Acknowledgement

"Anyone can be angry--that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way -- that is not easy."
- Aristotle

Sweet dreams darling

And I don't want to go to bed mad at you,
And no, I don't want you to go to bed mad at me.
Baby can we make up now?
cause' I can't sleep through the pain.

Soundtrack of the year

It seems like time is flying reasonably fast and the year is finally reaching to an end. I'm not sure if I'm very much looking forward to another year but it sure feels good to gain a renewed hope and fix a new year resolution. This year, has been an 'eventful' year for me and I'm sure I have stored a couple of skeletons in my closet. From the most ecstatic occurence to the most devastating one, this year has definitely taken its toll on me. I've afflicted living souls, experienced the deepest core of pain, healed old wounds, piled up a few of new acquaintances, discovered a new passion, shoved away a few of my old habits, stumbled upon a side of me I have never noticed before, gained knowledge and experiences, let my guards down unexpectedly, developed regrets and mistakes, established a precious friendship, and eventually learned to love.


Although this has been a tough year for me, but I would like to remember it as what it is now to me. I would like to reminisce this journey of mine in the years to come, it will always be a part of me. I'm crossing my fingers for a much better year, next year.

Enough

Starting from today, 12th December 2008, I'm making changes.
I need my life to change so I'm delivering a renewed faith towards myself.

It was like a painful slap on the face but it definitely gave a huge impact and a wake-up call. There were some shedding of tears and bitter confessions but it was what I needed, what I needed to wake up to.


And a big fat thank you for my mummy, for letting me rant about the whole thing. Thank you for listening and understanding, thank you for telling me what I needed to do. You're awesome

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you,
It never takes too long,
No matter what I say or do,
I'll still feel you here until the moment I'm gone.

Catastrophe

A slight error has diminished a wonderful moment. How could it diminish and put everything to a halt in such a short of time? I was feeling dreadful and an alarming temper hit through me and I couldn't manoeuvre myself towards a sane level. I was shouting and screaming like it's nobody's business. I felt a rush of adrenaline and a strong screeching sound inside of me. How was I even able to reach to that pinnacle of such anger and rage? I wasn't intending to put things that way, and I ended up providing a rapid flow of tears resulting from holding such an immense amount of fury. How did I get there? I've hurt feelings and I've torn a supposed-joyful moment. I'm deeply sorry and I hope you know how regretful I am for causing such predicament. I'm hurt and I don't know which or where to turn, I need somewhere to run before something important for me is at stake for my wrongdoings. At this very moment, I could use comfort and a shoulder to cry on. I was accustomed to being alone and that's the only thing I constantly avoid, and that has made me wanting to have someone when I'm in fury. It's the frail side of me and I can't seem to discard it no matter how hard I always try. I know I have to run everytime I'm in full rage mode because I have a huge potential of hurting someone. I deform into someone who couldn't decipher the meaning of calming down, or I was like unconscious and not being able to think in a proper manner. The resulting effect? A catastrophe.

I wish I could turn back time and fix things the way they were, I wish I could take back all the things I never meant to say, I wish I could relive the moment before everything has started to be this critical and I wish I could tell you how sorry I was or that I didn't mean any of that to happen or made you experience such misery. I'm in no power to grant my wishes now, powerless and helpless to even figure out how to fasten everything. I can't even bring myself to sleep now, I could just cry myself to sleep but that's not working either.

A part of a song which I couldn't bring myself to forget,

Everybody’s talking in words
I don’t understand
You got to be the only one
Who knows just who I am
And you shine in the distanceI hope I can make it through
Cause the only place
That I want to be
Is right back home with you

Shout Out

Just stop telling me what's good for me, because somehow I don't think you even know what's good for me. Stop being judgemental, just let me live, let me live my life the way I want to. I don't need to consume your lies and I don't trust you, I don't trust you.

Clarity

Here's what some talking hormones that are boiling in my blood would want to express about,

1. Erinna, is apparently a name that was given by my mother, sculpted by the name Tengku Irina she saw from a magazine

2. First child of five, she practically grew up having four agressive boys in the family

3. Very indecisive, let me bold that, indecisive. Even when it comes to picking up a meal from a menu, it's a very unhealthy habit, I know

4. She sings on top of her lungs whenever she feels like it, she sings obnoxiously in the car with her best friends

5. Has a secret dream of participating in Amazing Race Asia, and well my sayang is up for it. So, why not?

6. Never tried smoking, or drinking but that doesn't make her all too glittery on the surface

7. Watches A Walk to Remember, every now and then

8. Shakes her legs tremendously, when she's anxious or before she she goes to sleep

9. Enjoys live gigs, would love to attend James Morrison's

10. Prefers strolling by the beach or the park than an expensive dinner, during a date

11. Past heartaches has taken its toll on her, and would never let the history repeats itself

12. Enjoys curling up in bed with her favourite book in hand during rainy days

13. Wants a huge white wedding, it has to be at an exclusive garden. It's not too early to dream, right?

14. Guys with sexy hands are a huge turn-on

15. Possesses terrible mood swings, and it's probably genetic

16. Rejoice in warm hugs

17. Easily flustered

18. Forgives too easily

19. Would love to fall in love with Paris' Eiffel Tower, learn German in Vienna, kiss under the bridge in Venice, shop til I drop at New York's fifth avenue, a wild honeymoon in Hawaii, attend a Shakespeare play in Britain, watch the sunset in Bali, inculcate the Rome's culture when in Rome, and finally pay a visit to the holy land of Mecca

20. Fragile but not too vulnerable

Modern youth

The youngsters of Malaysia nowadays are keeping up with a good speed

Their knack for organisation and networking have yet been proven. For instance, many kids are participating themselves and getting active in various local organisations, such YAWA (Yayasan Anak Warisan Alam). The kids rule the organisation, and arrange events, including charity events and organise talks by themselves. As for networking, many youths are involved in network marketing and making their way into gaining wealth at a young age. These people are very passionate, ambitious, and focused about what they want. They are knowledgeable about social issues, politics, and the economy.

While there may not be a majority of youths posturing this outlook, but the growing number of youths heading this direction is pretty impressive. It is vital for youths to acquire new skills and encourage their talents and capabilities into a good use. We, as the new generation need to accessorize ourselves with powerful tools that could erect a successful country. We need to acquire freedon from the economic slowdown and recession.

Reveal

Perfect epitome of an exquisite fantasy

Plain truths and confessions

Drifting the night away with a saccharine serenade

Secret yearning for an exuberant getaway

Put your fingers through my hair

Rest my head on your chest

Sing me a lullaby, prompt me to sleep

Slow dancing in a slightly darkened space

Aromatic smell is breathing through

The sky is dark, but the stars are illuminating

Personal Miracle

I'm longing for FREEDOM

I feel like a bird trapped in a cage, I'm a bird filled with sorrows and distress and I'm calling for a saviour. At this very second, I'm feeling a strong urge to make a new way for my life. I persist my life to change, I persist to grow out of my shell, I persist to overcome the constant miseries I've been kept under, I require an antidote to move myself towards a whole new level. I need to collect an immense amount of positive energies to turbo-charge what I want in my life. I need to accumulate stamina that would ultimately shift myself on to a new frequency. I need to assemble the broken pieces and restructure everything, from head to toe. I will now focus on what I need to achieve in my life, and penetrate my goals into the new resolution. 2009 is going to be a good year, at least that's what I would like to believe in.

No matter what happens, no matter what kind of circumstances I might come upon, I will assure myself to stand up and move on from my previous mistakes. I will practice the power of positive thinking in order to invigorate towards a better person of me, inside and out. I will constantly provide myself a gentle nudge everytime I'm feeling at my lowest. I can't let anything get in my way of getting what I want. I will become the best person I can muster myself to be.

I wish to pursue pyschology and I will become a psychologist someday, this is a promise I will ensure I would keep track of. I will not stop spreading love towards the people in my environment. After all, everything we want, whatever it may be, is motivated by love. The power of love, it is to experience the feelings of love in having those things- youth, money, the perfect person, job, body, health or eternal happiness. To attract the things we love, we must transmit love and those things will appear immediately.

Each morning when I wake up, or each night before I fall myself off to sleep, I will scrutinize my own thoughts and make a vision of what I want to achieve and resolve. I ensure myself to be grateful of what I already have- company of good friends and family, an amazing significant other, a fully-functioning body, a well-developed brain. They say, the best things in life are free. It's true, the most wonderful things we could ever cherish in life are free. I'm sure there's a saying that goes, money isn't everything but everything is money, as well. That is downright true, but we can'tlet money be the root of all destructions. The minute I wake up each morning, I instill a great sense of gratitude that I was able to wake up at all.

Always, always leave your loved ones with loving words as you wouldn't have any idea when is the last time you ever will. Treat it like it's your last time with the person every single time you're with him/her, it wouldn't click your mind when the person is ever going to walk out of your life, you will have absolutely no traces of that. Anyone could leave you abruptly, because nobody really stays. Regardless of what you may have gone through with the person, regardless of how long the person have made their way in your life.

You deserve to be happy, everyone deserves to be happy. Each one of you were born to add something, to add value in this world. To simply be bigger, and better than you were yesterday. I strongly believe that, every single thing that I've been through, were to all prepare myself for the future. Simply by your mere existence, you have blessed alarming numbers of people, you may have caused a huge impact on anyone that you've come across, and you may not know it. Believe that you exist to a bring a great importance to this world, no matter what kind of cycle you have originated from. Even if you are going through the toughest circumstance in life, be convinced that there will be silver lining at every cloud, you will become the strongest person ever.

From this moment on, I will keep reminding myself to stay strong, in spite of everything I am going through right now. I know I will, I know things will get better, someday.