Put me out of my misery

I woke up this morning and played our song. Throwing my tears, I sang along.

Acknowledgement

"Anyone can be angry--that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way -- that is not easy."
- Aristotle

Sweet dreams darling

And I don't want to go to bed mad at you,
And no, I don't want you to go to bed mad at me.
Baby can we make up now?
cause' I can't sleep through the pain.

Soundtrack of the year

It seems like time is flying reasonably fast and the year is finally reaching to an end. I'm not sure if I'm very much looking forward to another year but it sure feels good to gain a renewed hope and fix a new year resolution. This year, has been an 'eventful' year for me and I'm sure I have stored a couple of skeletons in my closet. From the most ecstatic occurence to the most devastating one, this year has definitely taken its toll on me. I've afflicted living souls, experienced the deepest core of pain, healed old wounds, piled up a few of new acquaintances, discovered a new passion, shoved away a few of my old habits, stumbled upon a side of me I have never noticed before, gained knowledge and experiences, let my guards down unexpectedly, developed regrets and mistakes, established a precious friendship, and eventually learned to love.


Although this has been a tough year for me, but I would like to remember it as what it is now to me. I would like to reminisce this journey of mine in the years to come, it will always be a part of me. I'm crossing my fingers for a much better year, next year.

Enough

Starting from today, 12th December 2008, I'm making changes.
I need my life to change so I'm delivering a renewed faith towards myself.

It was like a painful slap on the face but it definitely gave a huge impact and a wake-up call. There were some shedding of tears and bitter confessions but it was what I needed, what I needed to wake up to.


And a big fat thank you for my mummy, for letting me rant about the whole thing. Thank you for listening and understanding, thank you for telling me what I needed to do. You're awesome

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you,
It never takes too long,
No matter what I say or do,
I'll still feel you here until the moment I'm gone.

Catastrophe

A slight error has diminished a wonderful moment. How could it diminish and put everything to a halt in such a short of time? I was feeling dreadful and an alarming temper hit through me and I couldn't manoeuvre myself towards a sane level. I was shouting and screaming like it's nobody's business. I felt a rush of adrenaline and a strong screeching sound inside of me. How was I even able to reach to that pinnacle of such anger and rage? I wasn't intending to put things that way, and I ended up providing a rapid flow of tears resulting from holding such an immense amount of fury. How did I get there? I've hurt feelings and I've torn a supposed-joyful moment. I'm deeply sorry and I hope you know how regretful I am for causing such predicament. I'm hurt and I don't know which or where to turn, I need somewhere to run before something important for me is at stake for my wrongdoings. At this very moment, I could use comfort and a shoulder to cry on. I was accustomed to being alone and that's the only thing I constantly avoid, and that has made me wanting to have someone when I'm in fury. It's the frail side of me and I can't seem to discard it no matter how hard I always try. I know I have to run everytime I'm in full rage mode because I have a huge potential of hurting someone. I deform into someone who couldn't decipher the meaning of calming down, or I was like unconscious and not being able to think in a proper manner. The resulting effect? A catastrophe.

I wish I could turn back time and fix things the way they were, I wish I could take back all the things I never meant to say, I wish I could relive the moment before everything has started to be this critical and I wish I could tell you how sorry I was or that I didn't mean any of that to happen or made you experience such misery. I'm in no power to grant my wishes now, powerless and helpless to even figure out how to fasten everything. I can't even bring myself to sleep now, I could just cry myself to sleep but that's not working either.

A part of a song which I couldn't bring myself to forget,

Everybody’s talking in words
I don’t understand
You got to be the only one
Who knows just who I am
And you shine in the distanceI hope I can make it through
Cause the only place
That I want to be
Is right back home with you